does anyone really think therary help with rape victims

[olasimbo awoyemi]

In a country that i know, the female victims of rape not only bear the shame, the humiliation, the guilt that maybe there was something they could have done to prevent it but they have to endure the coldness from friends/ families who hear of it. Some blame the female while others even tell the victim to her face that she deserved it ( she dressed / walk in manners to show she wants it) Why should females be treated as object. The memories lingers and hurts, how will talking to someone help ?

[Lois Brown]

I guess in the end you have to depend on your own judgements as far as recovery goes. I have been through horrible trauma, but not rape - so I am not sure how much my experience applies. I think it can help if you find a good therapist. Someone to discuss how you manage and make your life what you want it to be and to give suggestions. I am not sure how much anyone helps with something so traumatic and horrific, but even the act of asking for and setting aside time, at least acknowledges to yourself that you have gone thorough a horrific event and that it is a part of your history and it will change you in some way. It could give you an opportunity to decide how that change can be. Starting out therapy might just give someone a safe place to cry or express themselves. But I think, for me, it's very important to choose a good therapist before you start on the journey and to change therapists if they don't gel with what you need.

[olasimbo awoyemi]

well said!

[Jacqueline Hynes]

I think I know what you're saying-There isn't anything in this world (therapy included) that will erase the pain or the memories. Having said that, there are certain actions we can take to make it hurt less. And personally I think therapy with an appropriate therapist/pyschologist can help. I am turning 28 and have been in and out of therapy since I was in grade 1-and this was specifically to deal with multiple experiences of sexual abuse. It has taken me until this year to find someone that works for me, where I feel that I am actually moving forward. I gave up many times, felt the whole process to be futile. Having said that, the act of searching, the act of trying, the act of acknowledging that I needed help, was in and of itself therapeautic. It meant I cared about my well being enough to try. And as with anything in life, I think it's about the process and not the end result. So to any one out there that feels that futility that I had felt for so long, be assured that eventually it works and sometimes you get lucky and find the right one. It may have taken me awhile to get here but it terms of YOUR life, it's never too late to try and improve your quality of life. And it gets easier. I never thought it would. I carry those events with me now like battle scars and I turned it into a sort of strength I never thought I had. So yeah I think therapy can help, I think stuff like writing on here can help, even something personal like having a dialogue with yourself in a journal can help. We must keep trying to get better because it is possible. And I know how hard it is to have hope when you've been to hell and felt it's fire. But it truly is possible.

[Lois Brown]

I agree you can definitely change pain and memory. The event happened - that's what you can't change, much as I personally would like to in my case. It is my experience that it takes one time to acknowledge that you can't change the event. Sometimes, we will even go so far as to blame ourselves in a vain hope to control the event (if only I did this, if only that - funny how many people's first instinct is to believe they deserve what they get - and me too) and return to a less fractured persona - one we are more familiar with. I guess we all know of that or have experienced it. It's very challenging to have no real perception of yourself for a long time. And in the end, as Jacqueline, your journey - I think - demonstrates, you are in charge of your own therapy too. For me - working with health professionals, the vacillations of trust can be so sudden that it seems as if it makes a big, loud clanking sound. I find my present therapist very, very helpful. But in the end the experience is still on my plate, not theirs.