"Is Rape Serious?" A New York Times Opinion Piece

[Jacqueline Hynes]

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/30/opinion/30kristof.html?th&emc=th

I stumbled on this article this morning and was absolutely floored! Rape kits, which involve hours of invasive examination, are just sitting around in storage while perpetrators run loose. It's hard enough as it is to prosecute sexual offenders, but when there is evidence to support an investigation? What does that say about how society views rape cases...

[Missiz]

I was speaking to a male friend this week about a particularly disturbing Youtube video. This friend is not exactly what I'd call a "champion of women's issues", but interestingly, his comment on the blatant misogyny of this video was "Rape is an instinct and we have to keep a tight watch on it."

At first I thought, "No. I do not want to accept the idea of rape being any sort of natural or instinctual behaviour." But he may be right. It's an instinct like stealing and murder are, but in the cases of those crimes, they are not viewed as having "grey areas", there is not the burden on the victim to prove a crime has been committed, and the sentences are not so extremely far off what is just.

In fact, you are much better off being caught raping than robbing someone's house, around these parts, anyway.

[Sharon]

For the love of all that's holy. When is everybody going to GET IT that we live in a society that blatantly objectifies women of all ages and on all fronts. Our only value is still what slave labour can we provide and while we're at it just bend over for any and all males that feel that primate urge to rape.

Pleeeeeeezzzzzzz. Talking does sweet dick all - we've been doing it since the 60's and what's changed? Only the appearance of the game - and that's all.

Men need to take responsibility for the gender and teach, train, and incarcarate.

Women need to stop leading with their boobs and use more of their incredible brains and put the fashion industry at the bottom of the list of priorities in their lives.

Society needs to set the tone for heavy punishments and public humiliation.

And I hate that we so-called "evolved" species need to get radical in a medieval way, but as long as we act that way...well you know how it goes.

[Jacqueline Hynes]

I too am tired of talking, tired of crying, tired of being angry-but I don't know what to do, shy of running around the world with a gun in my hands. Sharon, I share your frustration...I just read an article in the globe about special military forces in Kenya that gang raped a 57 year old woman (and hundreds of others)...I want to scream so loud that my voice may cut through the air and into the hearts of those woman, of all women. Really what can we do? I feel hopeless today, powerless and honestly, I don't want to read the news anymore, I don't want hear about sexual violence and the evil in the world. I want it to go away, but I won't do that, as much as I want to. I'll continue to read, to empathize, to share these stories with the world, as fruitless as it seems today. But I'll be honest, I don't see how it will help those women in Kenya or anywhere else. I feel useless. I am disgusted by our people, by our government, by our courts...by myself for wanting it all to go away. WHAT CAN I DO? I don't see it changing and I hope somebody screams at me for saying that, I hope I'm wrong. But really, do I pick up my burning steaks and thrust them into the hearts of the bad guys? WHAT CAN I DO? I want to scream...Today at work, someone said of Roman Polanski, who has been arrested again for raping a minor in the seventies, and they said, 'jeez why can't they leave him alone, every man is entitled to at least one young girl...she was 13, she must have wanted it at least a little bit.' I think this speaks to the post above by Missiz and the more I think about it the more I believe it-maybe it's a natural instinct to rape and not necessarily deviant behaviour, just most have more control. If we admit that would we as a society take greater measures to ensure sexual violence is under control? Anyways, sorry world out there, this is more for me than an intelligent contribution to the dialogue...I just felt so utterly hopeless here today and needed to let it out. As much as this mood is fleeting, my lack of belief in this world is not, and that's unfortunate.

If men run the world (and they do) and if women are often the victims of sexual violence (and they are) maybe the men of the world need more education in the pains of such violence and maybe if they can understand it some how, they would feel like curling in a ball like I do right now, maybe they'd wanna hang those bastards up by their balls and maybe the perpertrators would think twice before they hurt us...So the question is, how can we make men understand how truly awful it really is and how much punishment is required to equal the unspeakable pain incurred by sexual violence? Educate the men and maybe we'll educate the world...fuck if i know anymore...
j

[Sharon]

I hear you loud and clear and the frustration felt by some of us is overpowering at times.

We may not have power over what's done, but we have power over what we do. I once thought a great protest to illuminate some of the problems women face in society is to globally on a given day - don't buy one magazine, cosmetic, itune download until we get heard and action is taken. I know it seems like such a little bit, but the cosmetics industry alone would suffer huge with the loss of sales globally for just one day.

But this takes gal-power, dedication and action. I was hoping this forum might be the place to call to action. Personally I have a disabled adult daughter and I'm a single senior so my time to devote is limited. But much can be done if we could just get 10 folks that were committed.

At least this is an action with a potentially positive outcome. Anyone willing to join me would be great, but alone....well I just don't have the time to carry the torch, wave the flag or get back on the soap box without support anymore.

[Missiz]

Jacqueline, Sharon, I share your utter frustration and I understand the feelings of despair. Despair is the most dangerous poison.

I feel that we have been lulled into a new era of colonization where we have somehow let go of defining our own sexuality, and have allowed the the kind of social responses like the one I described above to keep us silent.

For myself, I have been finding a lot of comfort in the Yes Means Yes book that I mentioned in another thread and through reading and commenting on various articles and blogs including this one.

I have been thinking a lot about making change and how to fight. Finding other women (and men) who are willing to speak out, despite the trend of silence, who are unapologetic for their position is a start. I am no longer going to swallow my words when I hear hateful comments like you heard at work regarding Polanksi. (An EXCELLENT piece here by the gutsy Kate Harding http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/09/28/polanski_arr...).

"Everyman is entitled to one young girl"??? Jesus, is this person a practicing rapist or just a sideline admirer? Would they care to step up and point to the next 13-year old that a men "deserves" to rape?? Of course, you don't usually have the right words on your tongue when someone says something so shockingly ignorant and hateful, but I am NOT going to let these moments pass anymore. I don't care what a "buzzkill" I am perceived as being. If people I know don't like me for speaking the truth, then I don't need them in my life.

The other important thing is taking care of yourself and taking charge of your healing. Perhaps you want a vacation from the media. Maybe you need some safe space for talking, listening and being HEARD, walking,running, swimming, yoga, screaming and punching the walls, whatever you need to do to cleanse and heal your body and to make the body a safe space to inhabit. ALL of these things fight the fight. You fight by healing, caring for yourself and speaking your truth.

[Missiz]

OK, my last post on this, at least for today!

Two other thoughts after I hit "Add Reply":

It's very important to acknowledge the weight of the burden you carry as a survivor and to not be too hard on yourself. This is not easy. It takes a lot of time end energy and if no one else is going to cheer you on, then you at least have to find it in yourself to pat yourself on the back for all of the good work you have done so far. Get a massage, eat a delicious meal with a good friend, celebrate yourself.

The other point is staying informed. They say that information is power and I believe that to be true. Someone just sent me links to two pages on propaganda techniques.

http://library.thinkquest.org/C0111500/proptech.htm

http://www.serendipity.li/more/propagan.html

It seems to me that there is plenty here that corresponds to the sort of myth-making (All men deserve a young girl) and "get with the gang" messaging that pressures us to silence. It's important to be able to discern between what is truth and what is propaganda, what is strengthening for us and what is destructive to the soul, what is a healthy expression of our sexual desire and what is pandering to a male-focussed sexuality in exchange for attention and approval.

The onus is on us to be clear in our choices and to learn the difference between an informed and considered choice and one born of coercion and social pressure through propaganda.